Resentment: Part One

April 13, 2011 in Coping, Life, Relationships

Relationship Difficulties from Buquad

Pretty sure we’ve ALL been there…

The nights when just you have SO much to say but you’re either too tired, too furious….or just tired of saying the same thing – over and over. So you just sit there… stewing.

Oh yea… big ‘ol resentment rears it’s huge ugly head at some point in everyones life.

If it’s not your other half.. it’s your parents, siblings or friends.

And my darlings~ being with someone in this industry lends itself to the potential of habitual resentment formation.

So many of you wrote about feeling resentful that while your husband/boyfriend, girlfriend or wife is out living the life, cooking and creating and well… having fun on their days off,

YOU are home with the grocery shopping  and taking care of the babies and walking the dog. Let me first ask you….

How does this resentment show up in your life?

How does feeling resentment affect your health?

Where do you hold this resentment in your body?

Have you ever given this some thought?

It might surprise you to hear that medical studies are now beginning to show that holding those feelings inside us, over an extended period of time, actually breaks down our biological makeup and can create Disease. Our thoughts are powerful energy forces; empowering us to create great change, or on the opposite spectrum, creating a vaccuum of inaction, or low or no movement within and around us. (If you’re interested in learning more, email us at blog@marriedtoachef.com for a list of resources) . Break down the word disease into two words

dis-ease = a body that’s not AT ease.

Keeping our feelings inside may actually cause us physical pain.  

It has been my mission for as long as I can possibly remember to expose what our THINKING does to our physical health. So here at Married to a Chef; we are going to take resentment as one example of a pressure cooker emotion and explore ways in which we can RELEASE it~ if ONLY so that it no longer resides within you.

What is the MESSAGE you tell yourself when you are feeling resentful?

  • “He/She is just not listening to me… must mean that they do not care what I’m staying.”
  • “Why do I have the be the one that does everything (around the house)… maybe they think their job is just TOO important to help out”
  • “The fact that they do not see me struggling has to mean that I’m not as important to them as they are to me!”
  • “When am I going to have MY turn to be carefree? To live out MY dreams?”

 
How familiar are these messages to you? How does it feel to read these scenarios of messages that we tell ourselves, OVER and OVER again. It’s like actually taking a whip and whipping ourselves for somehow not being good enough or feeling WORTH enough to be important.

Let me tell ya my dear sisters and brothers of Restaurant Other Halvedom…. there IS another way!!! ***

{{{WELL… WHAT IS IT, FOR GOODNESS SAKE???}}}

Okay okay! I’ll tell ya!

But first, let me ask you… WHERE did you get the ideas that you weren’t important or that you weren’t good enough or that you had to do EVERYTHING in order to feel like you had a say in your relationship/family?  They had to come from SOMEWHERE… right?

 – Maybe your mom told you that you weren’t going to receive your allowance if you didn’t do everything on your list.

 – Maybe that one time, during the soccer game when the coach took you out and didn’t tell you why.

 – or Maybe, it was when that guy you really wanted to date – stood you up and left you at the restaurant all alone.

YEP~ these events shape our experiences but most often – they are the STORIES that trigger the messages we tell ourselves to keep ourselves feeling safe… feeling NORMAL! (ugh, how I detest this word)

You are worth it even WITHOUT the need to create these triggers. YOU ARE SAFE!

DID’JA HEAR THAT MY LOVELIES??? WITHOUT THESE STORIES!! (I know.. easier said than done.. I know)

whew… when you break it down… find out the story BEHIND the message… and ask yourself HOW TRUE is this story affecting your life NOW….it doesn’t seem so powerful, does it?

The messages you are telling yourself when your restaurant man or woman is out doing what he wants with his life is NOT the message HE wants you to receive! That is the message YOU are telling yourself (also called COPING MECHANISMS)

WELL, HOW ARE THESE COPING MECHANISMS WORKING FOR YA, HUH? (my guess, not so good)

okay, let’s check in… how are you doing?  How new is this information to you? What feelings are coming up now as you read this? Whatever it is.. HANG ON!! it’s good information, I promise! Keep going!

PART of the “OTHER way” of doing things is  to REFRAME the messages you tell yourself so that they don’t come across like you have no worth.

(KEY: It’s going to take stopping yourself from letting these negative messages keep rolling on.)  Say to yourself (in the midst of another Negative Snowball rolling down the mountain) …

STOP (insert your name here)!!! I am telling myself this message to make myself feel better. WHERE does this story come from?

If you can stop yourself IN THE MOMENT and figure out where the STORY came from that delivers the message.. you will BREAK the negative energy that keeps you feeling without any power.

How willing are you to give this a try until next week when I will give you some more information and can take it a step farther with you?

COME ON… I’LL DO IT WITH YOU AND WE’LL BOTH KNOW THAT WE’RE NOT THE ONLY ONES FIGURING OUT THE STORY BEHIND THE MESSAGE!

Next week – I want to talk to you about how you EMPOWER yourself once you find out what that story is…. and then you are one step closer from catching yourself when you feel even a twinge of resentment and can REPLACE those messages with something that will make you feel happy, and ALLOW you to SURRENDER to the unknowns of life.. Live happy amongst the uncertainty!!! HOW DOES THAT FEEL?????

oh and sorry to say but if you are living IN the world.. the possibility for resentment to rear it’s ugly head will come up… it’s part of being a human. The trick is to unlock the chain that keeps you feeling stuck. And people.. I’m here to give you the KEY!!!!

Until next week.. remember to STOP!!!! and ask yourself where the story comes from that explains the message you tell yourself.  (I give yourself permission to say, out loud STOP!!.. no matter where you are… the grocery store, softball practice, trying on a new skirt at the mall.. wherever)

I know you can do this.. (I know I can do this!) Do you? 

***IMPORTANT NOTE: In NO way, shape or form have I – resident ‘Living by Allowing’ Life Coach Kerilyn Russo mastered what I am sharing here. (I wish!) It’s something that I too, am working on – night and day. I am still working on understanding just how my own negative repetitive thoughts affect my physical body, my relationships and my overall level of happiness. TRUST me…we’re in this together, my people.

FINALLY: IF you are interested in receiving an email when I post our next blog post, underneath “stay connected” on the bottom of the website, click on SUBSCRIBE BY EMAIL (I know theres a lot of places to sign up!)