A letter to our chefs who also have NO idea what it’s REALLY like.

April 1, 2012 in Everybody Else, Life, Relationships

Source: s106.photobucket.com via Candice on Pinterest

Alright, before you throw some old food from the walk in at me… hear me out.

Let me start by saying this…

WE LOVE YOU.

We are dating you/engaged to you or married to you because we recognize you have something no one else does.

You’re one of the most passionate, hard working and talented people we have ever met.

We know that we have something special.

It’s that passion bordering on obsessive compulsiveness that we find so appealing… sexy even.

We LOVE watching you do what you do. *shoot, we love being on the sidelines saying “that’s my man/woman!”

You remind us of when we were little and someone asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up, and we said

“I want to be a ballerina”…

except YOU actually did it. You are LIVING your passion.You’re that astronaut, fireman, policeman, in our eyes.

We are your biggest fans.

Know that, okay?

Because this letter still remains that EVEN you – have NO idea what it’s really like….

FOR US.

I created this site because I know that most of those in our lives have NO CLUE what it’s like to be connected to you.

Unfortunately, that also includes you.

It’s not always fun or easy, waiting at home all hours while you’re working all day. (I wonder.. do you ever think “Man, I leave her/him alone alot when I’m putting in a 15 hour day?)

Figuring out and quite possibly rearranging our holiday schedule around when you’re working,

Being the primary caretaker to our children, because we support and know… that daddy/mommy is the one everyone is counting on at the restaurant.

Always having to be flexible when things change with your schedule at the last moment. Even when we’ve had things planned for months.

Going to and doing things (shoot, who am I kidding?… EVERYTHING) alone. Grocery shopping, the laundry, buying gifts at the holidays…

I know you don’t even think twice about how there is always beer/OJ/milk, ingredients for a turkey sandwich in the fridge because you know it’ll always be there.

Why? Because that’s just what WE do.

We make sure it gets done. *On some level, that’s why you picked US… you know we’re strong. That we’ll do whatever it takes. We’re kinda like you in that way.

What you might not know is in our world, no one in our circle REALLY understands why we stick around like we do. Sure they’ll try when we’re with them, but when they’re alone, they’re wondering why we would choose a life when we’re not with our partner, when the scales always seem like their tipped against us. It gets tiring always feeling like we have to defend ourselves.

And if we just started dating you, this is a whole new world for us and that world looks pretty foreign and a little strange to those around us.

Here’s a secret: Guarantee you, we have had our close family and friends ask us why we stay in this relationship if you’re never around… of course those are the SAME people who LOVE to enjoy your food when we take them to your place of business or come over to eat.

How’s that for irony.

Our family and friends just want us to be happy. We understand that. Unfortunately, sometimes the choices you make in your career, look and feel like their made to make YOU happy. And that doesn’t always appear to be FAIR.

We know how hard you work when you’re at the restaurant.

We know… because when you get OFF work, that is how you are. OFF.

We try to deal the best way we can because of what I said above, WE LOVE YOU, but my dear chefs and restaurant men and women, we could really use a bit more support. A lending hand or even MORE IMPORTANTLY… an empathetic ear.

Let me say that to you again…

WE NEED TO KNOW THAT YOU KNOW THAT THIS IS NOT EASY.

It’s SO easy to feel taken for granted when it seems like all your responsibility is making sure food cost is down, and you’re staff is performing.

Now before you get defensive… let me say I KNOW, somewhere inside  you, you know it’s not easy for us. You might not express it so simply, but I KNOW, you know that we usually get the short end of the stick. I’m SURE there are moments when you are asked to work later, and you know your wife/girlfriend/fiancee is home, looking forward to watching a movie on the couch with you or make love to you, or your children to play with you… and you have a moment when you’re like “damn… I let him/her/them down again.”

You KNOW. We can’t say that we don’t understand the stress and the strain you go thru (we see it in how exhausted you are after work, how you get calls/texts/emails ALL through the night or on your day off, how you like to check out after work with a beer or two), but the best way to comfort and support us is to tell US you know and you see us.

When it boils down to it…that’s all we REALLY need. We need to KNOW that you KNOW that this sucks sometimes.

You enjoy the benefit of knowing life at home will look like how you left it, some 12-16 hours earlier…. It’s important you TELL us that you SEE all that we are doing…. how much we are managing.

TELL US that you see all that we do. Tell us often and regularly.

I GUARANTEE you you’ll see happier wives and girlfriends. Your loves will be more at peace.

We know and support YOU. We show our support by being with you. By being inspired and PROUD of you.

How do you show that you are PROUD of us?

The BEST way to show us… IS TO TELL US.

Find SOME way to tell us. Most of you are men (and women) of few words. No matter. There are PLENTY of ways to say “I KNOW THIS SUCKS SOMETIMES AND I AM GRATEFUL”. A song, a poem… take the kids to the park for 4 hours and give mama a BREAK. Send her a text that says “I appreciate all that you do”.  Take one of the flowers that you put on the tables at the restaurant and bring it home. Tell her you thought she needed one of them.

~~~Do ANYTHING around the house without us having to ask you. Make the bed (this is a BIG one), take out the trash, water the plants, walk the dog.~~~

Instead of telling us that it’s “silly” that there is a support group for Significant Others…. UNDERSTAND WHY WE NEED TO CONNECT.

You probably wonder why we’re always angry… why we can sometimes be masters of the cold shoulder. You might tell us that we’re miserable all the time. *Psst: That will NEVER work in your favor, by the way* We know you’re so focused on what’s going on with work that you MIGHT not know so let me tell you, ON the record…

We’re frustrated because we do not KNOW that YOU KNOW that we do ALOT in our relationship. We do not know that you have ANY idea how hard it can be, to be with you men and women so dedicated to making OTHER people happy.

I make you a PROMISE. *I’m not just going to say I promise, here on the internet, with people reading this all over the world without being 100% sure of what I’m saying, so KNOW that I am aware that I’m making promises.

I PROMISE that if you REGULARLY tell us (or show us) that you see how much we do and KNOW that it sucks sometimes… YOU will see a difference in your relationship and most likely, your entire life.

ALL we want is to be ACKNOWLEDGED.

What I cannot promise you is that by acknowledging that you KNOW it sucks sometimes, will FIX what might already be broken. I wish I could, but cannot. What I CAN promise you is that if you start to tell us that you KNOW and you SEE…. WE, in turn will start to FEEL like you know and you see.. and it will be the BEST feeling in the world. It will change the way we do things. We won’t be cleaning the house feeling so upset like “Why am I doing this all the time!”.

We know that when you leave the house, you’re expected to don a cape like superman and BE everything to everyone. We know that (If they don’t know it let me assure you I’m working on helping your love to see that)

What we need from YOU… is to know that while you’re off… saving the day, every day.. that

YOU SEE THE CAPE THAT WE WEAR…

at home, with the kids, with our families and friends… and that you TELL US you see it.

It takes two pretty amazing people… make this relationship thrive.

I BET that deep down, the both of you know that you have what it takes to make it through this type of relationship.

Now turn to your other half and share that you know that.