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It’s time. – PART ONE

February 7, 2013 in Coping, Everybody Else, Expectations, Favorites, Fears, Life, Restaurant Industry

before you dive in, read here.

I’ve been trying to avoid this post, but it seems I can no longer ‘look away’. It has become GLARINGLY obvious that something needs to be said and any amount of trying to be positive isn’t going to make it better.

I want relief. I KNOW you want relief, so here we go. I’m going to attempt to make this short and sweet, so you can hopefully feel better, faster.

It’s time. We can not ignore this any longer.

YOU ARE NOT CRAZY.

  • You’re NOT crazy for thinking he or she is selfish sometimes.
  • You’re NOT crazy for thinking their priorities are out of whack.
  • You are NOT crazy for the moments you think that the restaurant is more important than you and your family.
  • You are NOT crazy for the moments you think they need to grow up.
  • You are NOT crazy when you feel sad and angry that you’re the only one who seems interested in what comes next in your lives.
  • You are NOT crazy in those moments when you are considering why you got yourself into this type of relationship in the first place.
  • You are NOT crazy when you are pissed off because it seems you are the only one concerned about your children.
  • You are NOT crazy when they leave the house a MESS, like they don’t even see it there, day after day.
  • You are NOT crazy to wonder if they think of anything but themselves.
  • You’re NOT crazy if you think the ONLY reason why they’re still with you is so you can take care of them.
  • You are NOT crazy when you have to remind them OVER AND OVER AGAIN to do one thing.
  • You’re NOT crazy if you think their friends might not be the best influences.
  • You are NOT crazy when you’re infuriated that they, YET AGAIN, didn’t tell you when they were getting off, and you wake up panicking about where they are in the middle of the night.  *and then come to find out that they just “had their phone off”.
  • You are NOT crazy when you feel crazy that you are the only one upset.
  • You are NOT crazy when you are attempting to save money for the future, and they think if they see it there, they can spend it.
  • You are NOT crazy that their family thinks their The Golden Child, which makes you feel even more crazy that you do experience what you do. Talk about second guessing yourself.
  • You are NOT crazy when all you want is a day alone, with your other half.
  • You are NOT crazy when you feel SO SAD that you are alone/ not with your other half on a holiday or your birthday. When you see your friends out celebrating with their love, and you’re not.
  • You are NOT crazy for thinking you are not sure you can deal with this the rest of your life.
  • You are NOT crazy for being uncomfortable with how often they go out for a drink after service.
  • You are NOT crazy when you have your weekly plans set, and because they haven’t told you when they’re working (open/mid/close), and are suddenly available, they want you to drop your plans to spend time with them.
  • You are NOT crazy when you think that their co-worker is strangely “too close for comfort” to your other half.
  • You are NOT crazy for getting frustrated when people tell you “How Cool” it is that you’re married to a chef. You want to yell at them and say “NO! It’s NOT what you think!”
  • You are NOT crazy for never quite knowing when you can plan your vacation but when THEY want to do something, they always make it happen.
  • You are NOT crazy that they do something SO nice one day that it makes you doubt your initial feeling crazy, and then, a few days later, it returns back to their regularly scheduled routine and you then doubt yourself that you doubted yourself initially.
  • You’re NOT crazy when your restaurant man/woman reads this and suggests you stop reading these posts.
  • (This one is for me) You’re NOT crazy that the industry does NOT want anyone on the outside to know just how hard it is to be married into the industry, that sharing that might somehow jeopardize the glamorous image that it’s worked SO hard to keep up. You’re NOT crazy for getting serious resistance from those who work night and day to keep the dream alive.

You hear me… YOU ARE NOT CRAZY.

Go ahead and give yourself PERMISSION to not feel crazy. You’re NOT.

Whenever you need a reminder, come to THIS post.

Really… let hearing that you are NOT crazy SINK into your bones.

Give yourself a BREAK today. Okay?

And when you’re READY, REALLY ready…

READ PART TWO.

TELL US IN THE COMMENTS – What else are you NOT CRAZY for/about?

 

 

 

 

choices

February 22, 2011 in Expectations

From Jen at Bits of Truth

Might not seem like it, in the moment – when we’re reacting out of learned behavior or external circumstances.. but everything we do is a declaration of the choices we make.

How does that feel to hear? Our guess, it’s either something we resist all together, or at best, fidgety in our chairs ,uncomfortable with that knowing.

Being with someone in the restaurant industry – is a choice, right? Somewhere (whether your aware of it or not) it works for you. *Here’s a secret: Even if the relationship doesn’t work but you find yourself still in it.. the choice to stay is yours because it somehow works for you.

I mean, we could make a different decision at any moment, yes? As easy as changing our mind when selecting what flavor of ice cream goes on top of our cone? Then WHY do we continually feel like we don’t have a choice? We say it all the time… ‘I don’t have a choice’.

The answer to that question, if we were really willing to look, houses a LOT of information.

Maybe our feeling of not having a choice has to do with something external. ‘I stay because if we broke up I would have no place to live.” or, “we bought a house together”.. even the WAY more emotional and challenging “we are married and exchanged vows” or even tougher ” we have children together”. Yes, they equally can (and usually do) cause some of us to wait WAY longer than we have to to make a different choice. We choose to make (or not make these decisions) kinda like if we we’re driving up to a toll booth. Waiting for something or someone to be there to ALLOW us to pass, if only the “right” circumstances were there.

Maybe that feeling is something internal and WAY more rooted in what we came from (aka ‘we are the sum of our experiences’/our upbringing,etc…) the “but i love him/her/insert object of ones affection here” which most likely has had us all stuck at some period of time or another. This one is emotionally connected to past experiences like a spider web. One long string, interwoven and designed to trap us where we are.

How would you feel if, instead of seeing these being reasons to stay in your current choice, they were seen as an obstacle to work around. Picture yourself, driving down the road and in front of you, you see a cardboard box. Would you stop your journey? I predict no, you would drive around it. Where did we lose that sense of finding a work around? (which usually involves looking at what’s getting in your way in the first place)

Tell us, how can you look at the CHOICES of your current life that might be causing you frustration, as obstacles to work around instead of destined to keep you stuck where you are? What if you began learning how to give yourself PERMISSION to consider another choice. How would that feel?

Whether you decide to make a different choice is totally in your hands. We are here to show you that YOU, at any time, have the freedom to make any number of choices. Just a matter of deciding where you want to go.

Maybe your mom and dad said you can be whatever you want to be when you grow up, maybe they didn’t. But we’ve all heard this said in some way, shape or form. What does it take to be whatever we want to be? It takes realizing we ALWAYS have a choice. always.