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Taking the world by storm.Value Number Five – DYNAMISM

March 8, 2012 in Life, VALUES

batman and robin

 Photo Credit: Pinterest

I’m sure a lot of you were like…

HUH?

when I said that Dynamism is a Value in a thriving restaurant relationship.

You probably thought….

What the hell is Dynamism?

I know you know what it is….

That inner pull… a calling if you will… that sense that you KNOW what you want to do and you will STOP AT NOTHING to achieve it.

  • Chutzpah.
  • Drive bordering on obsession. Possibly a touch of insanity.
  • Balls.

It usually has something to do with feeling a larger purpose.

Usually it starts with a sentence like “I feel a calling to…..” (insert your word here)

It’s kinda your inner superhero.

– Scale tall buildings in a single bound.

– Move cross country to go to culinary school

– Open a restaurant with a bunch of friends because they all have the same philosophy in cooking.

Need I go on….

I would place wager that your restaurant man or woman had eaten from the tree of whatever DRIVES them to DO whatever they have to do – NO MATTER THE TIME/ENERGY/DISRUPTION, ETC…

This goes beyond Achievement.

It’s what makes your restaurant man/woman a little nutty for all the hours/projects they handle/situations they get themselves into while at the restaurant… while in full SuperHero mode.

WHY you wonder how he/she has the energy to keep going like they do… (You’ve probably thought to yourself “HOW does he/she do it?”)

Why they don’t seem to complain about doing a 15 hour day, and you’re looking at him/her like their crazy.

Why he doesn’t even seem to NOTICE the fact that he gets calls and texts in the middle of the night, and you want to pull your hair out.

REMEMBER THE BAT PHONE?

Exactly.

AND… at the same time.. the unnerving/agitating/aggravating… “Are you SERIOUS”/resentment forming kinda energy, after they come home.

After resuming Ordinary human mode.  Probably looking a little Clark Kentish. Disheveled. Exhausted. Worn. Achy.  Even a little confused.

It’s the POWER behind that calling that makes them so attractive AND at the same time, the biggest challenge to making this relationship work….

Their kinda like two different people.

At work… Extraordinary Superhero.

At home.. Ordinary man/woman.

Wonder why we never saw our superheroes married or with children??? HMMM??

Here’s the rub…

I gotta say it…. or else I’m going to EXPLODE!

Without these those other VALUES, these values that I am PRETTY SURE you have yourself… that you might not know you have…

your relationship will not thrive.

NOW… before you throw something at me. Please consider this.

You have these values.. you just don’t know you do.

YOU ARE SUPER WOMAN! *or SuperMan if you’re a dude reading this.

Don’t you GET this yet?

I see SO MANY of you feeling like your relationship is something you have NO control over.

While you cannot control the parameters of his job… the hours, the crazyness.

The fact that he basically dons a cape when walking out the door.

The fact that MOST PEOPLE only see the sexy side of this relationship.

He wouldn’t survive as a Superhero without having his OWN SUPERHERO to come home to!

That’s YOU!

Hopefully somewhere inside of you, you know this… (If not… PLEASE EMAIL ME because I’d be HAPPY to tell you this myself)

Now… do what you have to do to find your OWN mission.. your OWN purpose.

It’s time to find your own damn cape.

Cause here’s the thing… that SO MANY OF US  have no idea about….

YOU ARE DYNAMIC TOO!!!

YOU have the energy.. the balls… the guts… to

– be the BEST mother to your children that you can.

– listen to your dreams and make them come true!

ALL WHILE HAVING THE SUPERHERO UNDERSTANDING OF WHAT IT TAKES TO BE WITH SOMEONE ELSE WHO IS A SUPERHERO!!!

*YES, it sucks sometimes.. But so does being a SUPERHERO!*

You accepted your mission when you decided to connect with someone in the industry.

I GUARANTEE YOU that your restaurant man/woman can see your DYNAMIC self, shining through.

It’s YOU… who doesn’t see it!!!

For crying out loud…. WHAT IS IT GOING TO TAKE???

Maybe you don’t realize that by being WITH someone who is Dynamic.. that means that YOU TOO… are Dynamic too.

Dynamic people don’t all have to be extroverted, “Out there”, or LOUD.

There are PLENTY of Dynamic people who are quiet and stealthy…..  *It probably has it’s perks of going in under the radar*

Let me ask you –

Do you always do what it takes… no matter what the cost?

Do you exhert superhuman energy to make sure everything gets done?

Do you feel driven toward your own goals (even if you don’t know what they are.. you feel almost OBSESSED to find out what they are?)

My guess is yes.

*okay.. don’t get me started on that’s just what being a woman is about. Sorry guys.

You have the strength to get thru whatever comes your way. You just need to be reminded that you do.

THATS WHERE I COME IN.

I am a coach. I CAN help you get from where you are (not realizing your own VALUE/SUPERHERO-NESS) to where you want to be….)

I created this place for us to support each other.. but It also became the headquarters for my OWN SUPERHERO CALLING!

and PS: I’ve been called to do this since I was six years old. But that’s a subject for another day.

*Because damn it.. it’s my SUPERHERO POWER/OBSESSION to help you GET this!!! I will NEVER GIVE UP!

JOIN ME, WILL YOU?

If this sounds somewhat true.. or even if you want it to be true – JOIN US for the free call happening TODAY!!!! THURSDAY, MARCH 8th at 8pm EST. I’m going to send you a list of (100) other VALUES you could have as your Top 5.

JOIN US – FREE CALL! Understanding what you VALUE – Thursday, March 8th 8pm EST

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Carrying you, me and everyone else. Value Number Four – STRENGTH

March 1, 2012 in Life, VALUES

you can do anything but not everything

Photo Credit:  Pinterest

I want to go out on a limb with you and share what I think is a truth in your relationship…

I know there are ALL types of restaurant relationships reading this… chef with chef, owner with bartender, server with chef, chef with 9-5’r, chef with stay at home mom, etc…

I say what I’m about to say knowing ALL that.

Ready?

Your STRENGTH is what attracted your restaurant man/woman to you.

Hopefully you’re thinking “duh.. I already knew that.” *If so.. GOOD FOR YOU.*

But maybe you’re not.

Yup. YOUR strength.

First let’s share what STRENGTH really means, shall we?

‘The quality or state of being strong, moral power, firmness, COURAGE.”

Having STRENGTH, TRUE STRENGTH comes from INSIDE.

AN INVISIBLE FORCE.

Mind if I share with you a part of my FAVORITE poem? This poem was read at my wedding.. It encapsulates STRENGTH to me, in so many ways.

The Invitation
by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

“… It doesn’t interest me
if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can dissapoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear
the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your soul.

It doesn’t interest me
who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

I want to know
if you can be alone
with yourself and if
you truly like
the company you keep
in the empty moments.”

THAT is what I predict your restaurant man/woman saw in YOU.

STRENGTH.

The strength to do what you have to do… to get “it” done. Whatever that is…

Cause let’s face it… they must KNOW, deep inside them that it’s going to take a special man/woman to face the challenges of this sort of relationship.

It doesn’t take long to bear witness to the strength of fortitude and conviction that your other half devotes his life to, day in and day out, at the restaurant.

You know it’s not easy, doing what they do. It’s why you’re their Number One Fan. You see them when their exhausted yet still giving their all.

You VALUE their strength.  But the rub is…

They value your STRENGTH too.

I GUARANTEE you, that somewhere inside him or her, they KNEW, probably from the beginning, that they were going to need someone with that SAME STRENGTH to help them get thru this.  They saw something in YOU that told them you’d do whatever it took. Most likely it wasn’t some outward sign of strength but an inner drive within you that told them that you had ‘it’ too.

YOU are STRONG. *ya hear me?

It’s NOT just your chef/ server/bartender/GM/ Sommelier, etc… who is the strong one!

It’s WHO YOU ARE… and it’s time you began to LIVE from that knowing.

Strength comes in ALL forms. Such as being the one who…

  • is the DRIVING force to both herself and those in her circle. Knows what he/she wants for her life and is going to do whatever it takes to make that happen, and EVERYONE around her/him knows it.
  • May be quiet, but has the unyielding determination to make their dreams come true, whether that’s to be the best mother you can be, or to find ACHIEVEMENT in your career, just as your restaurant man/woman has.
  • works hard to continually find the right ingredients (Sacred time, time alone,etc) that brings BALANCE to the relationship.

Since the restaurant industry, I’ve noticed (remember, I’m on the outside), is very much family oriented. Most likely they were looking for someone with the same sense of LOYALTY. You know, someone who will stay late to get past the late nite push?

Yea… most likely they see that SAME sense of LOYALTY in YOU.

Here’s the downside…

ARE YOU LISTENING, BECAUSE THIS IS IMPORTANT!

Because you ARE strong… because you will do whatever it takes… JUST like your restaurant man/woman does at work…

It can become SO EASY to take that for granted.

And not intentionally either. *okay, sometimes it happens.. but I’m not talking about that right now.*

Because we’re strong.. we can CARRY a lot. We know they work hard and so we take that into consideration… then we make adjustments to CARRY MORE AND MORE…

then they start handing us their stuff to carry, without even considering how much we’re already carrying.

**imagine your hands filled with ‘stuff’***

We do this because we’re STRONG. Sometimes we think we’re SO strong that we take on more than we can handle.

We don’t yell “UNCLE” when it becomes too much because we see that they do whatever it takes at work… why can’t we do the same at home…

And.. after a while of straining to carry everything in his, yours, possibly in your childrens life… it ends up causing… *say it with me*

RESENTMENT.

Yup. Resentment rears it’s ugly head every time.

UNTIL…

We learn to say “UNCLE!” sooner. (And mean it.)

Their not dumb. They most likely know that you are carrying a lot.

But since you’re not shouting uncle and then following up with putting the things down you cannot carry – How are they to really know you’ve hit your tipping point?

At work they probably are carrying as many things as you are, and don’t even tell you.

Enough about that. Bottom line…

They know you are as strong as they are.

(they just might not share it with you like I am with you here.)

And that.. my AMAZING Other Halves.. is why a thriving restaurant relationship VALUES STRENGTH.

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My LAST installment about VALUES is up this Sunday. If you like what you are reading, join me and a handful of your fellow Other Halves for a FREE CALL next Thursday March 8th at 8pm EST where we’re going to discuss what we’ve talked about here, as well as what other possible VALUES you might share.  (BONUS: On the day of the call, I’m going to send you a list of 100 other values that you and your restaurant man/woman could have as your Top 5)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

JOIN US – FREE CALL! Understanding what you VALUE – Thursday, March 8th 8pm EST

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Dont listen to what they say, in your case, opposites attract. Value Number Two – BALANCE

February 11, 2012 in Life, VALUES

See-Saw by Tomáš Beránek

 

Here we are again… week two.

FIRST.. So, what did you think? Is INDEPENDENCE something that is high on your VALUES list? Apparently it is for quite a few of you because the FREE call on March 1st is starting to fill up! Let’s keep it going, shall we?

I don’t think you understand how much I want you to GET this as a way of NO LONGER feeling like something is wrong with you or your relationship.

Today we’re talking about what I listed as the second most important VALUE is in a thriving restaurant relationship. It’s something that without… can cause great frustration and resentment to build. Actually… it leaves us mostly feeling alone and doubting ourselves. And for good reason. Why? Because…

You’ve most likely heard that having ‘common or mutual interests’ is a sign of a lasting relationship, right?

Maybe in 9-5’r relationships, do having many things in common come in handy. You’re with each other more, you leave for work at the same time, come home at the same time and go grocery shopping at the same time too. You also have weekends together and can visit your family in one car, most likely. You’ve probably heard (which is why it’s hard to figure out if this relationship works in the beginning) that “Mutual Interests” make a strong relationship.

I remember in the beginning, I believed that too. I really doubted the long lasting-ness of my relationship with my then chef boyfriend because we didn’t have much in common. Oh my gosh, I used to be out to dinner with him (most likely late at night) and would initiate an argument because I thought we had nothing in common (besides food, and I’m not a Foodie). I found myself comparing my relationship to friends in 9-5’r relationships.. and thought that because my boyfriend isn’t available to go to the movies with me on a Friday nite… that that MUST mean that we don’t have anything in common and that HAS to mean this isn’t going to work.

SOUND FAMILIAR? *Ten bucks says it does.

Well, in this type of relationship… it’s USUALLY the things that make you opposite of your restaurant man/woman that brings you BALANCE. Whether we know it or like it or not. (Most likely you don’t even know this… YET.)

Once you are safely rooted in your INDEPENDENCE, can you see these opposites as something of VALUE. Not something that MUST mean that you are not on secure ground.

*Whenever you read/hear/are told that you have to have “Common Interests” in order to have a lasting relationship… I give you PERMISSION to say (out loud too) “Eh, that might be the case for 9-5’r relationships but not in my relationship with my chef/bartender/GM/Sommelier/owner/etc…”

(and then proceed to smile)

It’s not the same. It’s just not.

I’m going to give you two examples… to show you two opposites that my chef husband and I have that if I didn’t understand how they bring us BALANCE.. they would both drive me NUTS. But don’t because I’ve come to understand my values. (okay I’ll admit it, I still have my moments but then I remember they are a part of what I VALUE – and I feel better in a MUCH shorter time than before)

1. BOOK SMART (me) vs. STREET SMART (him) – Case in point… on our 2nd,week long annivizaversary vacation to the beach (I know, I’m lucky), I was SO looking forward to sitting down with a 500 page book, investing intervals of quiet time to just ‘be’ in silence and read. NOPE. It drove him CRAZY that I just wanted to sit quietly, so he was always out on his motorcycle, exploring, which made him very happy. Another example is he is NOT computer savvy much at all… I am sure the management at his company has to know when I’m helping type out and paraphrase something that he wants to say in an evaluation or his quarterly initiatives.

On the other hand…if something with my car, or in the house, brakes down…I would be the one calling a tow to get it fixed but not my husband. He’s outside with the hood up for hours trying to figure out how to fix it, and usually does. Another example… I’m not ashamed to say that I am a HUGE chicken when it comes to driving in the snow, to the contrary, he LOVES it. He should seriously teach classes about how to drive in it. He always wants to take me to an abandoned parking lot in the snow and have me slide around to learn. (To which I say, NO thanks.)

2. I’m a PLANNER and he is SPONTANEOUS – about just about EVERYTHING. Money, plans for the future, what we’re eating tomorrow, etc… People ask me “Well what do you think you’re husband thinks about that (something in the future) and I say “Honestly, I don’t know. When I talk to him in the moment, he seems fine with it.” but I gotta catch him in the moment. *He’s kinda like a dog that way. Shh, don’t tell him I said that. Whereas, I have a VERY hard time being in the moment. Emphasis on VERY.

That’s the thing… his spontaneity I NEED in order to bring me BALANCE. Could you imagine if I was with another planner? (daydreaming….. er, uh, no.) I mean, it would be fun for some time but I think it wouldn’t challenge me to grow. When he calls me at 10pm on a Saturday nite, and I’m in my pj’s, set to stay in for the night and he asks if I want to go out for a beer (which means HE goes out for a beer, I just chat with him and watch him unwind) my initial thought is “ARE YOU CRAZY? It’s 10pm!” but I’ve learned to be a bit more open to those spontaneous moments because of him.

TRUST ME… I can go on.

Maybe it’s not these two examples above.. maybe it’s “I’m an early bird, and he’s a night owl.” (we have that going on too)… WHO KNOWS… but whatever IT is that you find your opposite on.. is MOST LIKELY what brings you two BALANCE and that, my friends is a very important thing to know and to VALUE.

Remember that paper from last time? Hopefully they have the answers to whether you VALUE your independence on them. Go get it and ask yourself this:

  • Because I am a ________________________, and he/she is a _________________________, he/she pushes me to enhance the parts of myself that I would not usually be comfortable with.
  • T/F -When I recognize that my other half is different from me, we usually have more fun and enjoy each others company more.
  • Three benefits I get from my other half NOT being just like me… 1. _______________ 2. ________________ 3. _____________
  • T/F – I see us growing closer because of the things that make us different.

AFFIRMATION: I now embrace our differences as a way of bringing BALANCE to our relationship.

  • AGAIN – let me say… YOU are NOT in a typical type of relationship. It does not have the same rules. If you attempt to follow the rules of those in the SAME type of relationship… you will find that you see what is in YOUR relationship is not working. LIBERATE yourself from thinking it’s the same and REFRAME your experiences to include understanding that it’s your differences that bring you BALANCE.  That is a strong VALUE that will help you thrive in your restaurant relationship.

Please tell me what your thinking… It’s SO important to me that you understand this. Leave a comment below… even if it’s a frustration, I want to know. (*If you’re reading this from FACEBOOK, please do me a humungous favor and leave a comment here vs. on Facebook. Thanks!)

AND FINALLY….

Join us for the FREE CALL, Thursday March 8th at 8pm EST to discuss all these lovely VALUES with me (and the 100+ other Values I’m going to send you before our call) and your fellow significant others who I BET… are feeling exactly the same way you are. Whatever you’re feeling…lets talk about it! Sign up below to join the group!

JOIN US – FREE CALL! Understanding what you VALUE – Thursday, March 8th 8pm EST

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