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Taking the world by storm.Value Number Five – DYNAMISM

March 8, 2012 in Life, VALUES

batman and robin

 Photo Credit: Pinterest

I’m sure a lot of you were like…

HUH?

when I said that Dynamism is a Value in a thriving restaurant relationship.

You probably thought….

What the hell is Dynamism?

I know you know what it is….

That inner pull… a calling if you will… that sense that you KNOW what you want to do and you will STOP AT NOTHING to achieve it.

  • Chutzpah.
  • Drive bordering on obsession. Possibly a touch of insanity.
  • Balls.

It usually has something to do with feeling a larger purpose.

Usually it starts with a sentence like “I feel a calling to…..” (insert your word here)

It’s kinda your inner superhero.

– Scale tall buildings in a single bound.

– Move cross country to go to culinary school

– Open a restaurant with a bunch of friends because they all have the same philosophy in cooking.

Need I go on….

I would place wager that your restaurant man or woman had eaten from the tree of whatever DRIVES them to DO whatever they have to do – NO MATTER THE TIME/ENERGY/DISRUPTION, ETC…

This goes beyond Achievement.

It’s what makes your restaurant man/woman a little nutty for all the hours/projects they handle/situations they get themselves into while at the restaurant… while in full SuperHero mode.

WHY you wonder how he/she has the energy to keep going like they do… (You’ve probably thought to yourself “HOW does he/she do it?”)

Why they don’t seem to complain about doing a 15 hour day, and you’re looking at him/her like their crazy.

Why he doesn’t even seem to NOTICE the fact that he gets calls and texts in the middle of the night, and you want to pull your hair out.

REMEMBER THE BAT PHONE?

Exactly.

AND… at the same time.. the unnerving/agitating/aggravating… “Are you SERIOUS”/resentment forming kinda energy, after they come home.

After resuming Ordinary human mode.  Probably looking a little Clark Kentish. Disheveled. Exhausted. Worn. Achy.  Even a little confused.

It’s the POWER behind that calling that makes them so attractive AND at the same time, the biggest challenge to making this relationship work….

Their kinda like two different people.

At work… Extraordinary Superhero.

At home.. Ordinary man/woman.

Wonder why we never saw our superheroes married or with children??? HMMM??

Here’s the rub…

I gotta say it…. or else I’m going to EXPLODE!

Without these those other VALUES, these values that I am PRETTY SURE you have yourself… that you might not know you have…

your relationship will not thrive.

NOW… before you throw something at me. Please consider this.

You have these values.. you just don’t know you do.

YOU ARE SUPER WOMAN! *or SuperMan if you’re a dude reading this.

Don’t you GET this yet?

I see SO MANY of you feeling like your relationship is something you have NO control over.

While you cannot control the parameters of his job… the hours, the crazyness.

The fact that he basically dons a cape when walking out the door.

The fact that MOST PEOPLE only see the sexy side of this relationship.

He wouldn’t survive as a Superhero without having his OWN SUPERHERO to come home to!

That’s YOU!

Hopefully somewhere inside of you, you know this… (If not… PLEASE EMAIL ME because I’d be HAPPY to tell you this myself)

Now… do what you have to do to find your OWN mission.. your OWN purpose.

It’s time to find your own damn cape.

Cause here’s the thing… that SO MANY OF US  have no idea about….

YOU ARE DYNAMIC TOO!!!

YOU have the energy.. the balls… the guts… to

– be the BEST mother to your children that you can.

– listen to your dreams and make them come true!

ALL WHILE HAVING THE SUPERHERO UNDERSTANDING OF WHAT IT TAKES TO BE WITH SOMEONE ELSE WHO IS A SUPERHERO!!!

*YES, it sucks sometimes.. But so does being a SUPERHERO!*

You accepted your mission when you decided to connect with someone in the industry.

I GUARANTEE YOU that your restaurant man/woman can see your DYNAMIC self, shining through.

It’s YOU… who doesn’t see it!!!

For crying out loud…. WHAT IS IT GOING TO TAKE???

Maybe you don’t realize that by being WITH someone who is Dynamic.. that means that YOU TOO… are Dynamic too.

Dynamic people don’t all have to be extroverted, “Out there”, or LOUD.

There are PLENTY of Dynamic people who are quiet and stealthy…..  *It probably has it’s perks of going in under the radar*

Let me ask you –

Do you always do what it takes… no matter what the cost?

Do you exhert superhuman energy to make sure everything gets done?

Do you feel driven toward your own goals (even if you don’t know what they are.. you feel almost OBSESSED to find out what they are?)

My guess is yes.

*okay.. don’t get me started on that’s just what being a woman is about. Sorry guys.

You have the strength to get thru whatever comes your way. You just need to be reminded that you do.

THATS WHERE I COME IN.

I am a coach. I CAN help you get from where you are (not realizing your own VALUE/SUPERHERO-NESS) to where you want to be….)

I created this place for us to support each other.. but It also became the headquarters for my OWN SUPERHERO CALLING!

and PS: I’ve been called to do this since I was six years old. But that’s a subject for another day.

*Because damn it.. it’s my SUPERHERO POWER/OBSESSION to help you GET this!!! I will NEVER GIVE UP!

JOIN ME, WILL YOU?

If this sounds somewhat true.. or even if you want it to be true – JOIN US for the free call happening TODAY!!!! THURSDAY, MARCH 8th at 8pm EST. I’m going to send you a list of (100) other VALUES you could have as your Top 5.

JOIN US – FREE CALL! Understanding what you VALUE – Thursday, March 8th 8pm EST

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Carrying you, me and everyone else. Value Number Four – STRENGTH

March 1, 2012 in Life, VALUES

you can do anything but not everything

Photo Credit:  Pinterest

I want to go out on a limb with you and share what I think is a truth in your relationship…

I know there are ALL types of restaurant relationships reading this… chef with chef, owner with bartender, server with chef, chef with 9-5’r, chef with stay at home mom, etc…

I say what I’m about to say knowing ALL that.

Ready?

Your STRENGTH is what attracted your restaurant man/woman to you.

Hopefully you’re thinking “duh.. I already knew that.” *If so.. GOOD FOR YOU.*

But maybe you’re not.

Yup. YOUR strength.

First let’s share what STRENGTH really means, shall we?

‘The quality or state of being strong, moral power, firmness, COURAGE.”

Having STRENGTH, TRUE STRENGTH comes from INSIDE.

AN INVISIBLE FORCE.

Mind if I share with you a part of my FAVORITE poem? This poem was read at my wedding.. It encapsulates STRENGTH to me, in so many ways.

The Invitation
by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

“… It doesn’t interest me
if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can dissapoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear
the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your soul.

It doesn’t interest me
who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

I want to know
if you can be alone
with yourself and if
you truly like
the company you keep
in the empty moments.”

THAT is what I predict your restaurant man/woman saw in YOU.

STRENGTH.

The strength to do what you have to do… to get “it” done. Whatever that is…

Cause let’s face it… they must KNOW, deep inside them that it’s going to take a special man/woman to face the challenges of this sort of relationship.

It doesn’t take long to bear witness to the strength of fortitude and conviction that your other half devotes his life to, day in and day out, at the restaurant.

You know it’s not easy, doing what they do. It’s why you’re their Number One Fan. You see them when their exhausted yet still giving their all.

You VALUE their strength.  But the rub is…

They value your STRENGTH too.

I GUARANTEE you, that somewhere inside him or her, they KNEW, probably from the beginning, that they were going to need someone with that SAME STRENGTH to help them get thru this.  They saw something in YOU that told them you’d do whatever it took. Most likely it wasn’t some outward sign of strength but an inner drive within you that told them that you had ‘it’ too.

YOU are STRONG. *ya hear me?

It’s NOT just your chef/ server/bartender/GM/ Sommelier, etc… who is the strong one!

It’s WHO YOU ARE… and it’s time you began to LIVE from that knowing.

Strength comes in ALL forms. Such as being the one who…

  • is the DRIVING force to both herself and those in her circle. Knows what he/she wants for her life and is going to do whatever it takes to make that happen, and EVERYONE around her/him knows it.
  • May be quiet, but has the unyielding determination to make their dreams come true, whether that’s to be the best mother you can be, or to find ACHIEVEMENT in your career, just as your restaurant man/woman has.
  • works hard to continually find the right ingredients (Sacred time, time alone,etc) that brings BALANCE to the relationship.

Since the restaurant industry, I’ve noticed (remember, I’m on the outside), is very much family oriented. Most likely they were looking for someone with the same sense of LOYALTY. You know, someone who will stay late to get past the late nite push?

Yea… most likely they see that SAME sense of LOYALTY in YOU.

Here’s the downside…

ARE YOU LISTENING, BECAUSE THIS IS IMPORTANT!

Because you ARE strong… because you will do whatever it takes… JUST like your restaurant man/woman does at work…

It can become SO EASY to take that for granted.

And not intentionally either. *okay, sometimes it happens.. but I’m not talking about that right now.*

Because we’re strong.. we can CARRY a lot. We know they work hard and so we take that into consideration… then we make adjustments to CARRY MORE AND MORE…

then they start handing us their stuff to carry, without even considering how much we’re already carrying.

**imagine your hands filled with ‘stuff’***

We do this because we’re STRONG. Sometimes we think we’re SO strong that we take on more than we can handle.

We don’t yell “UNCLE” when it becomes too much because we see that they do whatever it takes at work… why can’t we do the same at home…

And.. after a while of straining to carry everything in his, yours, possibly in your childrens life… it ends up causing… *say it with me*

RESENTMENT.

Yup. Resentment rears it’s ugly head every time.

UNTIL…

We learn to say “UNCLE!” sooner. (And mean it.)

Their not dumb. They most likely know that you are carrying a lot.

But since you’re not shouting uncle and then following up with putting the things down you cannot carry – How are they to really know you’ve hit your tipping point?

At work they probably are carrying as many things as you are, and don’t even tell you.

Enough about that. Bottom line…

They know you are as strong as they are.

(they just might not share it with you like I am with you here.)

And that.. my AMAZING Other Halves.. is why a thriving restaurant relationship VALUES STRENGTH.

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My LAST installment about VALUES is up this Sunday. If you like what you are reading, join me and a handful of your fellow Other Halves for a FREE CALL next Thursday March 8th at 8pm EST where we’re going to discuss what we’ve talked about here, as well as what other possible VALUES you might share.  (BONUS: On the day of the call, I’m going to send you a list of 100 other values that you and your restaurant man/woman could have as your Top 5)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

JOIN US – FREE CALL! Understanding what you VALUE – Thursday, March 8th 8pm EST

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The Cherry on Top. Value Number Three – ACHIEVEMENT

February 20, 2012 in Life, VALUES

From Beth at 'it is what it is'

*Before I begin…is this not the CUTEST idea EVER? answer: YES! Click photo to go to Beths website.

SO…. is any of this Value talk relating?

Is any of this making sense to you? Do you find your sense of independence something that’s VERY important to you? (Do you get upset really easily if you are alone on the regular?) Is the fact that your other half is totally opposite making you CRAZY or is it something that brings you peace? Yes. No? If so… care to SHARE? Why not mosey on down and write a comment? I’d love to hear your thoughts…

Todays VALUE is probably what immediately attracted you to your restaurant man/woman? It was this that creates a sparkle in his/her eye. It’s the OBSESSION, the DRIVE…the “doing what I gotta do” in order to feel this value. Either YOU have it yourself or you enjoy watching someone who has it in abundance.

I’m talking about ACHIEVEMENT.

It’s inevitable. To succeed in the restaurant industry you gotta have DRIVE. You have to have the WILL to keep up with the fast pace. This isn’t a career for those who want to sit all day. (NOT that there is anything wrong with that, ahem, that’s what most 9-5’rs do, including me) It’s most likely this sense of being good with their hands, and quick on their feet. It’s the sense of keeping their “Eye on the Prize” and not letting anything get in their way.

The restaurant moves fast. It’s a very reputation based industry. Always wondering if he/she have ‘what it takes’ to ‘make it’. I have NO idea to what degree they instill this trait (or weed out those who don’t have it) while still in culinary school, but those that leave school and start their first job on the line, learn VERY FAST if they have this trait or not. (and if they don’t, there is NOTHING *wrong* with that,ya hear me?)

We love to be near those that exhibit a sense of achievement.

ACHIEVEMENT is a VALUE that I think we’re either drawn to for ourselves or we find it very attractive in others.

It’s the reason why competition is attractive. Why we gauge our success or failure on how much we ACHIEVE. Who is the strongest/fastest/etc…? *My thoughts go to the Coliseum in Roman times with lions and bulls. The matador that lost, walked out alone and that who won… took home the girl.

Most likely, your restaurant man/woman has a STRONG sense of ACHIEVEMENT. They work hard, they work long hours and they don’t complain about it.

*I recently polled the significant others to see if their other halves ever complained about the long hours, 99% of them, not surprisingly, said NO.

They don’t complain because what’s driving them underneath it all is a strong sense of ACHIEVEMENT.

And you… either have that yourself or are their biggest cheerleader… standing on the sidelines, holding a sign…

You want them to ACHIEVE, to reach the pinnacle in the industry. Whether that’s…

  • owning their own restaurant
  • getting on TV
  • writing a cookbook
  • ALL OF THE ABOVE

Let’s face it. Achievement is SEXY.

Its what makes the books full of reservations, people waiting in line to have their book signed, articles written, and what keeps people glued to who is going to be the next Top Chef. (for example) We all are attracted to it.

*And… we give ourselves permission to CELEBRATE when we ACHIEVE our goals. (See how this is all connected, ladies and gents?)

For a second, I want to talk more in depth, about the two ways in which WE partner with them in achievement.

1. WE have our own goals and dreams that we are working on.

We have our own dreams and it’s conducive to be with someone who is always actively working on theirs. As their partner, you pow wow with them, they relax that you are off, paving the way to the dreams and successes that you want for your OWN life. SO many significant others that I’ve talked with feel this type of relationship helps them feel less guilty, less SELFISH about working on their own goals. Having a partner that is driven to succeed only inspires him/her to work harder and since their other half is never going to complain about the long hours, work involved… this other half feels secured that their wife/girlfriend, boyfriend/husband KNOWS that they are being thought of and will come together again strengthened by what inspires them to ACHIEVE.

2. WE are their biggest FAN.

Maybe you haven’t figured out what IT is that you want to do with your life yet and until you do, you will use the WAVE of their own ACHIEVEMENT to help move your forward and feel inspired. It’s like just being around them and their desire to ACHIEVE allows you to continually feel ‘tapped into’ the energy that accomplishing something brings. Examples of how this shows up in our relationships are

  • Whether we’re alone or with friends, we’ll regularly go to the restaurant to eat to have a chance to see them so they’ll feel our support, whether we’re spending quality time together or not. *EVEN if we know we’ll see them for a minute or two. It’s the thought that counts.
  • We’ll help them with their dreams. If it’s having food they like at home so when they are off and yearning to make something, they’ll have the ingredients at hand.
  • We get the word out – If they have a cooking class, or are in a publication, etc… WE are right there.. telling everyone around us so they will know to support him too. News spreads and you take it upon yourself to get the word out as FAR REACHING as you can.
  • We go out of our way to let them know we support them and their sexy selves in their chef coats or 3 piece suits or cafe aprons…
  • WE voluntarily choose the short end of the stick sometimes – We sometimes put ourselves lower on the priority list when we see how what they’re doing makes them happy. That’s okay sometimes when we see them in the midst of a project and you can see the finish line ahead.

But we gotta be careful of continual SSS = short stick syndrome (I just made that up.. you like it? I do.)

The flip side to valuing ACHIEVEMENT is…

TUNNEL VISION.

Yep. My guess is that par and parcel of wanting to achieve is this sense that that is the ONLY thing that’s to be focused on. It’s so easy for all of us to lose track of our surroundings when we are SO driven to reach our goal. Whether that is our health, our spirituality, our own personal development, our vision for a future family… it can be SO easy to miss out on what we’re missing. It’s like everything else gets blurry and the only thing in focus is that which we want to achieve.

For our restaurant men and women, it’s easy to lose track of whats around them, when they’re dropped in the middle of a speeding bus.. and they are the only one that knows how to steer it, what direction it needs to go, and where the brake pedal is. (Or, are resistant to teach someone else how to steer it OR hand over the steering wheel, which also happens a lot when one values ACHIEVEMENT) And.. if they have close friends in the industry, partners in a project, other restaurant men/women they collaborate with – that sense of achievement multiplies by association and it can be difficult to tear them away from that if they are joined with someone else.

And…you know what prolonged tunnel vision/SSS causes, right? (say it with me now…)

RESENTMENT.

And, I already discussed with you that from my poll I took early on, this is the NUMBER ONE thing most significant others feel. See here and here. (Whether they keep it to themselves or share it is another thing.)

MARK MY WORDS – It inevitably comes out somehow.

Yep. It always goes back to resentment in the end, doesn’t it?

THIS is where BALANCE comes into play… and INDEPENDENCE and any and all other VALUES that speak to you. All these things are like ingredients in a recipe. At different times, the measures might change (like when having children.. we might not have but a pinch of independence but a LOT of balance) –  but we need to include these things and to keep working out when one needs a greater helping at times then at others.

Because you know what – my kindred comrades… if we STAY in RESENTMENT… our relationship is not going to thrive long term and like either a busted oven or a broken timer.. it’s going to end up BURNT AND EDIBLE and we’ll be past the point of wondering what we can do to salvage it.

Caveat: In NO way am I saying it’s realistic to say that resentment can completely be removed. It is what it is. It’s life. Sometimes. we want something and cannot explain or express to another person, to be on the same EXACT page as us, ALL the time. It’s MANAGING that resentment, digging down to the ROOT of what initially caused it, that gives way to a flow of wellness that allows for our relationships to thrive and grow.

SO… to wrap up – Achievement is something that most likely attracted you to your restaurant man/woman. It’s what makes restaurant owners open their second and third restaurant. What allows for collaborators to create restaurant groups. etc… What makes wineries create a new varietal. It’s that knowing that it’s going to get done.. no matter what it takes. We all have that desire to achieve in the fiber of our being… it’s when we can see achievement in action that it reminds us of our potential and sometimes is the impetus to create great things.

How does your own sense of achievement show up in your restaurant relationship? What’s the best part of achievement? What’s the worst?

JOIN US – FREE CALL! Understanding what you VALUE – Thursday, March 8th 8pm EST

Once you sign up, I will send you a list (on the day of the call) of 100+ other potential VALUES you and your restaurant man might find important and we will be discussing all that I’ve shared here and share an opportunity to regularly get together to help each other with our OWN goals and dreams.

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